Shared Experiences

Just wrapping up a wonderful extended weekend in West Palm Beach where one of my childhood friends (Larry) finally decided it was time to tie the knot.  Actually this group of fine gentlemen you are looking at (Anthony, Larry, me, & "Skeeter") have shared some of life's most memorable moments all condensed from the years of gradeschool to college and beyond.  Looking back, the roots trace back twenty plus years.

I caught up on my feeds tonight and there seems to be so much I could write about.  USA Today has re-launched their site with social media optimization.   Conference announcements are going out like crazy.  There are videos that I need to make time for to watch.   And I even have a few influential people out there waiting for me to send them stuff that would help get this blog on more people's radar.

All of that can wait.

Do you ever wonder how we can make friendships at certain points in our lives that are simply irreplaceable?  Ever wonder why this is?  Surely many of you can relate.  We've all made friends early in life and have moved on to our new chapters of our own lives.  Maybe we've started families or new careers in places far away.  Maybe we just had to move away from home.  But why is it that when we reunite—that we instantly connect and pick up where we left  off?

Why does it all seem so familiar?

I don't have the answers.  Certainly shared experience has a lot to do with it.  My buddies and I quickly gathered around the tables and local watering holes and re-told the ridiculous stories which I can't begin to repeat here.  Our girlfriends and wives followed along in amazement, horror, fascination and pure joy.  We laughed harder than most of us have probably laughed in years.  We felt more comfortable with each other than words can describe.

And then it hit me.

Is it even remotely possible that the digital relationships which we are actively forming could ever get close to this kind of connection?  My knee jerk emotional reaction is to be repulsed by this idea.  How could that ever replace the antics of our youths and the bonding that comes with it.  No way.  No way.  Some things just can't be duplicated.

But what if?

My relatively new friend Ann Handley once wrote that a common act for bloggers who have connected over time and finally meet in person is to give the other person a hug.  Is it possible that a shared experience is the actual experience of sharing?  Before I go too far, let me just say that deep bonds like this are special for a reason.  And even though Anthony, Larry, Skeeter and myself don't check in on an even remotely regular basis—we know that we'll probably all see each other like this many more times before we're through with life.  In fact, we pledged to do something like this annually.

Shared experience is immensely powerful.

Assuming that relationships like this are special and not easily duplicated—still we have to imagine if we could capture but a small fragment of this in our relationships with users, with consumers, with each other.  Imagine if just 3% of this pure emotion came though in all of our communications, interactions and touch points with customers.  It's totally irrational.  It makes no sense that a group of people who hardly talk during the year can get together and share this kind of quality time together.  I'm in contact with more of you than I am with these guys.

Well, maybe that needs to change.  And maybe what also needs to change is how we think about frequency vs. intimacy. And maybe I'm over thinking all of this.  All I know is that I had an experience this weekend—and watching one of my childhood friends move into the next phase of his life is something that doesn't happen everyday. 

Comments

[Paul McEnany]

Nicely said, DA. I guess all I can reply is, you never know. Definitely, it's much easier to form that sort of tight bond with a classmate, as you go through the same sort of things, but the digital introduction can just be a window into something much deeper. Just depends on who, and when, and all the rest...

[Kevin Hillstrom]

Well written!

[Drew McLellan]

David,

Long before blogging existed, I spent some time in Compuserve's forums. I volunteered as a sysops and generated & moderated conversations about life, love, families etc. We laughed and cried together and shared our life experiences.

That was back in the mid to late 90's. When I got married -- many of the people from that community traveled across the country to celebrate with us. To this day, a couple of them are among my closest friends.

I have great friends from grade school on up. My online friendships are really no different. We're all scattered across the globe and no matter how we first connected -- the connection is real and deep.

So I believe the answer is yes. When people connect, how they originally met seems inconsequential. At least that's been my experience.

Drew

[Alex Nisbett]

Nice analogue post!

I guess as humans we tend to either migrate towards experiences that reward us emotionally or we strive to create experiences that have emotional content.

Either way you might argue there's a great unmet need we can design for, and recently I've seen a couple of experiences / services that tap into that emotional need.

So Twittering with it's micro messaging has for me enhanced the emotional connection within a small circle of friends. Sure there's a gazillion other people out there I begin to connect with - but in some small way it's helping me stay emotionally sane (!)

Moocards are interesting too - a service that enables digital experiences become physically tangible, shareable, nay enjoyable - all using emotional qualities. Size and format, tone of voice, even the name... (I'm going to look at my personal Moocard path to participation through the emotional lens).

So yes shared experieneces are immensely powerful and the emotional connection is but one of those many components that we can design for in the experiences we create. Looks like we're getting closer David.

[Lewis Green]

David,
I think relationships are mostly based on shared experiences, and that we can have wonderful friendships with people we never see in the physical sense. Many of my blogger friends, including yours truly, mean much to me, and I feel a strong and budding relationship building over time.

[Ian Mallari]

What you are saying here is a complete mystery to me as well. Last January I went back home from abroad, and in the airport I met a very good friend of mine who I haven't seen for a very long time. But just there we talked as if we have been seeing each other frequently. People around us were quietly surprised with the instant conversation that we had.

[Robert Hruzek]

David, good observation!

I agree with you that the initial surprise comes from the fact that such bonding can occur at all, even without physically meeting. But after all, we're social creatures, with a need to, uh, "touch" each other, so to speak.

When we bloggers are genuine and honest in our writings, we naturally form connections (relationships), and so bonding occurs.

[Cord Silverstein]

David, very well thought out post. I think many of us have similar experiences and feelings for our friends no matter if they live across the street or the country. I think might be interested to look at is if people in the next 10-20 years have these same kind of bonds that we have with people we went to school with.

We did not spend hours online, we were out and developing these relationships that will last a lifetime. I wonder how the internet will effect that in the long term.

[David Armano]

really good thoughts everyone.

Cord, I especially identify with what you are saying here. It's a given that social media tools have brought us together and enable us to share connect etc. I wonder how these newly formed relationships will stand the test of time.

As the saying goes—time will tell. :)

[Mike Sansone]

Great thoughts from everyone here.

The possibility exists for lasting friendships to be forged initially online - and our meeting offline can often cement those into something unique and liftelong.

One of the things we tried to do with some of the online communities a dot.oh ago was to find ways to connect people in an offline gathering.

A face-to-face not only seemed to motivate folks to stick, but it also motivated them to share the experience with others.

Companies that blog should consider doing this as they build their online communities. Find a way to bring the people together offline.

Get ready for hugs at SOBCon:-)

[Gavin Heaton]

I must say that our coffee mornings here in Sydney has created a real warmth (Sacrum style) between us all. Blogging has really accelerated some of these friendships ... well for me anyway.

[Aldana]

David,

I could not agree with you more! I made some really good friends trough the internet and lately trough my blog (I actually met one of my "readers" 2 weeks after starting the blog and we felt really comfortable around each other).

I have to say that I came to the point that if someone I met in "real life" doesn't have internet access I feel like we won't be able to be good friends with that person. Not being able to keep track of each other is a huge "turn off" for someone like me (don't usually call friends on the phone but would chat with them on a daily basis).

Oh! and like Mike Sansone said: you might have to get ready for hugs at SOBcon (son of a B... con?, great name eh?). Not sure yet but I think I'm going to be there (it depends on whether my passport gets here in time or not). All the way from Buenos Aires, Argentina I'm thinking of flying half way around the world just to see you guys "work" and well visit some FRIENDS :)

Aldana

[DA]

Aldana,

That would be something if you made it. What a story!